After many evenings of sitting by candlelight by my kitchen window to edit, I was finally able to complete my latest short story and submit it for consideration in an anthology (I’ll say which one after I get a response, either way!). I wrote the best horror piece I possibly could, incorporating locations and elements that were deeply meaningful to me, so I can only hope that the editor or slush reader connects with it. It certainly got under my skin as I was writing it. No matter the outcome, it feels good to put a piece forward and truly try again.
In a few days I’ll be sitting the N1 and while I have been studying, I’m not sure I’ll be able to pass the exam this time around. I set studying to the side a bit to finish the short story, and also because I felt too exhausted to really take in any of the new vocabulary I was trying to learn. I’m back to studying now that I’m in the home stretch, and even though I’m still not quite at the level to pass yet, hopefully sitting the exam will give me an idea of which things I should focus on before retaking the exam in the new year.
At least I’ll get to complete the build of this cool Gundam platic model (my first in years), no matter the outcome of the submission or the exam. I’m hopeful though.
Building a Gundam is certainly one way to relax, but this month I have also indulged in playing video games, going to cafés to read, dressing in favourite outfits, and eating a lavish meal at a favourite restaurant (table for one please!).
Much as I love luxuriating in a bath or a good face mask, that level of grooming and pampering is something I can only enjoy when I’m already feeling relaxed. Much like Scout, I enjoy baths, but I hate drying off afterwards haha.
I normally don’t read heavily when I’m writing, but I’ve been breaking that convention liberally these past two months. When I attended CAN*CON in October I bought a ton of physical books for the first time in a long time and have been working my way through them. Been reading a book by one of my fellow local writers (Treasure of the Tides), and I’ve also returned to reading センチメンタルワールズエンド in earnest after getting myself a physical copy. This is not to mention all the digital books I’ve bought recently… and the books borrowed from the library (currently listening to Pageboy by Elliot Page and feeling grateful that I get to hear such a candid memoir by a trans, queer artist whose work I have admired for many years — it’s heartening that he has reached a point in his life where he felt at home enough in his body that he could tell it).
Much as I love the atmosphere and mechanics of Elden Ring, I still suck at it and am too exhausted to be able to handle the constant failure right now in order to get better (lol), so for the moment I’ve switched to a JRPG called Tales of Arise (which I bought at BOOK OFF at the same time as Elden Ring) so that I can feel like I’m making progress. So far, I’m enjoying the mechanics and the storyline; it’s relaxing to go back and play a linear game once in a while — no branching choices, no open world.
I envision spending a good amount of time hibernating and gaming with Scout this winter… I brought him out in his backpack for his first snowfall the other day, come to think of it. He was mesmerized.
There were some incredibly good deals lately, so along with the latest tour Bluray and some goods, I also got lots of second hand ALICE NINE. merch, including band t-shirts, towels (for the bathroom!), and a huge stack of magazine clippings containing a bunch of articles I’d never seen before! Very excited to comb through it slowly in December, once the exam is over. I added a Discothèque-era Saga scorpion to my usual gin-tape bag charm. I attached my new ALICE NINE. lanyard to my work ID, and the Farewell Flowers artbook is easily one of my favourites… the photos are gorgeous (The ocean, the colour tone, the framing, Saga emphasizing his adam’s apple…♪), and the last page with its inscription and signatures was so heartfelt, I wanted to cry, remembering the last tour I got to attend. Thank you for existing, アリス九號.
Here’s my latest little sketch from the other day… writing that horror piece clearly influenced the tone of my drawing.
I haven’t done much in the way of cooking from scratch these past few weeks, but I did finally turn my yearly pumpkins into purée (with a pumpkin bread to follow in December, I hope), and I made a Japanese-style breakfast last weekend, as well as a few other tasty dishes when I had the energy. In terms of food, I am once again getting obsessed with soup because ’tis the season.
This month was difficult, in the sense that I had an anxiety attack at work, and that my chest pain got quite bad at points. But there’s been real improvement in my ribcage according to my doctor (finally!), and I took these last few days of the month off to study for the exam and decompress both physically and emotionally, so I hope to end the year on a good note, in less pain.
Last but not least, I’d like to emphasize that genocide is not an act of self-defense. There is a temporary, tenuous ceasefire over Gaza at present, but that by no means has stopped the ongoing violence and oppression towards the Palestinians caught in that open air prison. Many of whom are children. Many of whom are already sick or injured. Most deaths have been to noncombattants, residential areas obliterated. The ceasefire must be permanent to allow humanitarian aid to flow unimpeded into the region, to allow anyone to safely leave the warzone, and to allow hostages on both sides to be returned safely. It is egregious to use innocent human beings as scapegoats and as bargaining chips, just as it is egregious to imprison children and innocent adults without due process or due cause. If Hamas must be brought to account for their October attack, then the Israeli government must also be brought to account for their disproportionate violence and oppression before and after the fact. To weigh these actions against international law is logical and reasonable.
My heart goes out to everyone caught in the warzone — which is to say their homes — their loved ones, livelihoods, and everything around them being destroyed.
If you have the means and would like to help in the effort to bring humanitarian aid to the inncents, the noncombattants currently caught in the crossfire in Gaza, here are some donation resources:
A govenment’s and its military’s atrocious acts of violence against a civilian population does not justify any retaliatory acts of antisemitism elsewhere. Period. That government operates under an extremist sect of the religion (Zionism) and does not speak for or represent Judaism as a whole. Using that government’s violent conduct as an excuse to carry out antisemitic violence elsewhere is unacceptable and unconscionable. Just as it is unacceptable and unconscionable to carry out islamophobic acts of violence.
Break the cycle of violence.
Never again. For anyone.