Drawn By: Jea
Year: 2009 (January)
This piece was something I sketched out while listening to a song called mugen-electric eden- (夢幻-electric eden-) by Alice Nine. (アリス九號.). At the time, I could understand very little Japanese, so the drawing was based entirely on my feelings as I listened to the music, and the very few words in the lyrics that I was able to recognize without picking up a dictionary.
I drew it either shortly before or shortly after I came out as bisexual to my immediate family members, and so feelings of invisibility, frustration, and defensiveness were at the forefront of my mind. In addition, my social anxiety disorder was at its worst in that period of my life, so I constantly felt like I was imprisoned in my own body, unable to react to situations the way I truly wanted to.
I considered the two figures in the drawing male, but I can’t say for certain why.
Clearly, I was depicting myself, myself, and my own anguish at the time.
On the original draft sketch in pencil, I had written:
-むげん- In the middle of a crowd, he got lonely
The word むげん in that form is ambiguous and could mean either infinity or dreams/fantasies.